Last week the sh*t hit the proverbial fan. It was rough, it felt as if I had reached a new low. Really starting to wonder just how low I can go at this point. I was being thrust into another nasty legal situation and to top it off I would be without my kids for a long weekend. I wanted to give up: adulting was too much that day.
Enter my friend Dahlia, thank GOD for her. She let me have my pity party, she even poured us a glass of wine. She let me wallow in my sorrows for all of 30 minutes and then she looked at me and said, “we are going to Paris!” I gave all the excuses I had: I was not in a good mood, I was depressed, I didn’t have any money, I didn’t know which way was up etc. She said all the more reason to go. If you remember my last post about Paris, https://ledivorcee.com/2017/01/16/sometimes-it-snows-in-paris/ her sister lives there so a place to stay was no problem. Even though I wasn’t entirely sure, I hopped in the car and went along for the ride. As we drove away from Geneva and got closer to Paris, my mood definitely started to lift.
To my surprise, a friend, Luc that I met in Colombia this summer texted me as I arrived in Paris to ask how I was doing. So, I told him I was ok and that I was actually in Paris at the moment. He was arriving the very next day. Coincidence? No, the universe is always conspiring in our favour remember? So, naturally, we made plans to meet up.
Over an amazing pizza and delicious pasta. I had one of the best conversations of my life! It was interesting to get a male perspective on my current life situation. As I was listening to him, I knew he was dropping gems and I did not want to forget a thing! So, I grabbed my phone to take notes because school was in session. First, of all he told me that I need to focus on ME, to be selfish with my time, and do what makes me happy.
Wait, is that even possible?
He is older than me and he reminded me that at 40, my life is far from over. In fact, it is starting NOW. “Yes, you have children but that is not all you are,” he said. And it’s so true. I never imagined that I would be a stay-at-home mom, yet somehow that happened. Don’t get me wrong I am grateful to have been able to be there 100% of the time for my boys to help them grow and develop into the little men that they are now. I have lived the best life with my kids. However, they are growing and their needs are changing and so are mine.
Luc asked again, “what is your passion?” As if that isn’t the million-dollar question! Unfortunately, I still had the same answer I did this summer. I DON’T KNOW. I feel like all my passions and desires have been trampled on for so long that I have actually repressed them. Well that stops now he said! He reminded me in no uncertain terms that this is MY life and I better start living it. He left me with two excellent pieces of advice to get me on the track to recovering my passion:
- Be Fearless!
- Culpability is a useless emotion.
It was truly a pleasure not only to see a friend and catch up. But to know that someone other than your immediate family and very close friends actually believe in you and can see in you the thing(s) you cannot.
“I am deliberate and afraid of nothing.” –Audre Lorde
* Last week was another major milestone for me. It was the first anniversary of creating my blog and sharing this journey with you all. If you have been along since the beginning or are just starting to follow- THANK YOU!