Como esta tu corazón/ How is your heart?

Hola chicos! Como estas? It’s been awhile…

I have been totally consumed by getting settled in the gorgeous city of Medellin. Soaking up the beauty and the culture. I studied Spanish until I was in university but unfortunately, I never put it to use, so it is nearly lost. I have been getting by with my own special blend of; Franish (French/Spanish) Italish (Italian/Spanish) and the ever-popular Spanglish (Spanish/English)! The people here are lovely and one way or another we are able to communicate…

One of the first things we did as a group when we arrived on this month-long adventure, was to have a team building happy hour (yes, that’s a thing). During this hour, I got a chance to have a great conversation with one of the organisers. In which she said that when she is catching up with someone she hasn’t talked to in a while, she always asks “How is your heart?” and I thought this was such a profound question. It goes so much deeper then how are you.

I am at the halfway point in this journey and I have to step away from this magical place, if only for a few hours to deal with some very real things that will be waiting for me when I get back to “reality” at the end of month.

The day I get back home my children’s father will FINALLY move out!! To say that I am happy about this would be the understatement of the year! But, for some reason, it is just hitting me that when he moves out, our custody arrangement will go into place. I AM NOT READY FOR THAT!

I was completely blindsided when I arrived to our first court date, to find out that he wanted full custody! It was so shocking because I mistakenly thought the custody of our children was the only thing we agreed on!  As a compromise, we have to split the week in half.

This process has been going on for so long that I accepted (kind of) this decision, because it was supposed to be implemented in some undetermined date in the future. Well, that date is fast approaching and I am terrified!  For my children and for myself. I have tried to put a positive spin on this by saying that I would have more free time to do this and that, but who am I kidding?

I made a promise to myself that under no circumstances would I use my kids as a pawn in this divorce game- and I haven’t. It is breaking my heart because this arrangement is not in the best interest of my children.  This is not what I want and it is not what my kids want. I realize that when you get divorced things don’t always go your way, but it doesn’t stop it from hurting any less. This custody issue should have been a no brainer…

However, this is not a time for tears. I will not be crying into my aguardiente, which translates into fire water” (the Colombian national drink). Even though this particular curve ball weighs a ton and seems to be coming at me 150 MPH, I will do as I always do- and make it work. I feel like I am dying inside but I will never let my kids know that. I have to be strong for them and frankly for myself. We will get through this and with any luck be much healthier and happier when all is said and done.

“Accept what is, let go of what was and have faith in what will be.”- Buddha



3 thoughts on “Como esta tu corazón/ How is your heart?

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