TRYING TO MOVE ON…

There is a saying if you love someone let them go… I am seriously starting to wonder if there was a little-known part that has been forgotten that goes something like this: If you hate them make them stay and torture them to no end!

The x-hole has gone above and beyond the call of duty in this aspect. He has insisted form the beginning that I should leave the family home! A bit shocking seeing as how the easiest thing for all parties involved would be for him to leave. However, I moved a lot when I was small and since we have lived in our current house for over eight years I was fine to move and thought it would be one less thing to fight over. WRONG!

As a true Stepford wife, I have never worked since I moved to Switzerland and certainly did not put any money away for a rainy day! Wasn’t it supposed to be all sunshine and rainbows, but I digress…

I now find myself in the unfortunate situation of being completely financially dependent on him. He wants me to move and I have agreed to do so and have even visited several houses, but he refuses to pay!!! Insert rolled eyes, snapped neck and every other WTF gesture you can think of. Let me repeat: he wants me to move but does not want to pay for any of the houses that I have found and are available for IMMEDIATE OCCUPATION!!

I am at a total loss for words. It has been nearly 18 months since I asked for a divorce and we still live together… under the same roof… in the same house. Let’ s just say I am reaching my breaking point. The fact that I have to see his face EVERY day is making me physically ill and I have the medical certificates to prove it.

However, the conundrum that is the Swiss legal system does not seem to care that I am being forced to live with a person who is thriving in the passive aggressive environment. The situation is rapidly deteriorating and it is all I can do to keep it together. I have tried to reason with him, but to no avail. It seems like he will only be satisfied with my total destruction.

What is breaking my heart in ways that I have not even fully processed is that my children are watching this downward spiral. He never misses am chance to insult and disrespect me in front of them. If you read my post:  https://ledivorcee.com/2016/10/12/my-wtf-moment-2/ it explains that this is one of the major reasons that I decided to end my marriage. The x-holes toxic behaviour and actions were being observed and emulated by our children.

At this moment, I still have no money and cannot afford to move without the financial support of the x-hole- which I am entitled to. So, either I wait for the slow slow machine that is the Swiss legal system or I take matters in to my own under financed hands. All I know is that my children are watching and I do not like what they are seeing.

I have been calling on all the saints to help guide me through this tunnel. What do you my loves have to say?

                                             Change is hard at first, messy in the middle and gorgeous at the end…

11 thoughts on “TRYING TO MOVE ON…

  1. Fuck, I wish I was closer, you’d be moving in with me!! It’s mind boggling that the legal system won’t intervene and make him pay. Praying for you and this all to be sorted swiftly! 🙏
    Maybe it’s time to kill him with kindness…the current situation isn’t working, obviously. You will have to put those ‘acting’ skills to heightened use – maybe if he feels less threatened by what you actually deserve, he’ll loosen his grip and when he’s not looking, kick him where it hurts…
    He sounds like he functions strictly out of his wounded ego…so a different approach towards him may work??
    😘 hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Me too! The legal system is archaic at best. I must hurry and wait it seems. It is true that I must change tactics with him, to protect my sanity at least. I really appreciate your support and I am sure that one day we will meet and have so many things to discuss.😘

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  2. My heart hurts for you darling. Been there done that, except my child was old enough to realize her father’s comments were his state of mind, and had nothing to do with me really. Even though they were directed at me, it was his pain that was lashing out. He took it as a personal assault on his ability to provide as a father, and husband, when I told him I was leaving. It wasn’t easy, and he tried pulling financial strings, because like you, I never had to work. Well….That changed too.

    Your laws suck compared to Texas. I thought it made sense for my daughter and me to stay put, and him move out. He saw that as being too easy, so he stayed in our home, and told me to move. We lived on a ranch, and I had every kind of animal to tend to. The day I started finding homes for the animals I loved so much, he knew I was serious. I put that money away as a down payment for my new home.

    I was looking to rent, not buy. I didn’t know where I wanted to live, and still don’t. I do know, me being the one to leave has placed me in some of the sweetest houses, and meeting some of the sweetest people along the way.

    I filed separation papers, and in Texas, that has laws. God gave me a part time job, working from home as a virtual assistant for a friend of mine in Cali. That gave me enough money to live on, but the separation papers required him to pay child support. You go to jail in Texas for no paying child support. They are very strict with that.

    His child support helped pay the rent, and I just over the years continued to use what God gave me to make additional money when needed. Just remember…Where there’s a will, there’s a way. What you’re going through is not easy, but everything he is doing to you will come back to bite him eventually. We get what we give. Much love and many hugs to you!

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    1. Thank you support, it means the world. Unfortunately, I entered this divorce thing a bit naively, the law here is nothing like the states. The sad things is that we are still married and nothing but a judgment from the courts can force him into owning up to his responsibilities. I am waiting it out but it is becoming tougher and tougher. Waiting for the the day when karma steps in to serve up some cosmic justice.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m sorry to hear how you struggle and that children are involved makes it even more awful. I know close to nothing about the Swiss system regarding separation but recently I did a research about options for abused women as it concerns my friend and I got some useful information, I will paste here what i got , maybe you can use some of it..OK?

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  4. I am so sorry to hear how you struggle and that children are involved makes it even more awful!! I am no expert on swiss system and have no good advise. Could you try to talk with these people? By the swiss law definition also psychological abuse and financial pressure classifies as domestic abuse : http://www.solidaritefemmes-ge.org You’ve been trying for so long, playing by the rules… what if you now turn into a badass and play dirty? You are still married so he is and will remain responsible for any financial obligations made during marriage. What about taking a loan? As you cannot pay, the creditors would go after him… I am not sure if that’s the way to go but desperate situations call for desperate solutions. Bon courage bella!!

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    1. Thank you darling. I am open to all options at this point. I will check out the link you sent. I have bee trying to remain on the high road but that has not served me very well in this process. I agree maybe it is time to fight fire with fire!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. never leave the house. ever. 8 years AND kids. the judge will give you right to stay. my ex tried by threats to sell but i stood firm and refused. he then gave half to the kids… nice move. i have 50% of the apartment and 100% of the mortgage. i hope you have a good lawyer. i was screwed in the end because i wasn’t paying attention. i trusted the lawyer (really stupid).

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    1. Thank you for your comment. This is what I am hoping but it seems that everything I hear turns out different in my case. We finally had our audience at the tribunal this week so now we must wait and see what happens. I think my lawyer is pretty good, but in the end you never know.

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