This post has been on my heart for sometime and I am glad to be finally sharing with you.
This isn’t your typical fire, but in it I lost the person I married, a little of my children’s innocence, my finances, and of course pieces of me. I expected that, it seemed pretty obvious. But the fire has engulfed, burned, transformed, and actually destroyed some of my friendships!
Now there are several different layers to the friendship cake, and I respect that. Everyone is not a ride or die chick, nor should they be expected to be. There are the moms from school who you get to know well. It’s in this scenario that you will, with luck hit it off and become friends as a couple. You like the mom and your husband actually likes the other dad; this is the “school friend” holy grail. It is quite clear with this unstable foundation that once the couple splits, decisions need to be made. In my case, all of these “school mom” friends have abandoned ship! I have been cultivating some of these relationships for a few years, and I admit that stung a bit. However, I did not expect these women to fight for my friendship, and put their marriages at risk. From where I sit, these type of decisions follow the money. The one without, is usually the one that is cast aside. Ok, the decision has been made, c’est noté. Fortunately, my children are young and well liked so I have several more years to cultivate these superficial, bottom layer friendships.
Then there are those people that you have known for ages, but were never that close to. I must admit this group of women have showed up and showed out for me! Never in my wildest dreams did I think that these casual acquaintances would transform into such beautiful and meaningful friendships. After all, friendship isn’t about who you’ve known the longest. Its about who walked into your life, and said “I’m here for you” and proved it.
However, as an only child (clue alert), I have always been fiercely loyal and protective of my friends. So you can imagine my surprise when the fire started and I didn’t really feel the love from my girls. I guess it might be difficult to choose between the wife and the husband IF you met them as a couple, but if you are (were) my sistergirl, then I expect some loyalty. Is that too much to ask? I think not. If is, then maybe it is better that they got caught up in the flames!
In any case just like any good phoenix I will rise from these ashes as good as new. No, I’ll be better. Never forget darlings what Charles Bukowski said “What matters most is how well you walk through the fire…”