This post has been on my heart for sometime and I am glad to be finally sharing with you.

This isn’t your typical fire, but in it I lost the person I married, a little of my children’s innocence, my finances, and of course pieces of me. I expected that, it seemed pretty obvious. But the fire has  engulfed, burned, transformed, and actually destroyed some of my friendships!

Now there are several different layers to the friendship cake, and I respect that. Everyone is not a ride or die chick, nor should they be expected to be. There are the moms from school who you get to know well. It’s in this scenario that you will, with luck hit it off and become friends as a couple. You like the mom and your husband actually likes the other dad; this is the “school friend”  holy grail. It is quite clear with this unstable foundation that once the couple splits, decisions need to be made. In my case, all of these “school mom” friends have abandoned ship! I have been cultivating some of these relationships for a few years, and I admit that stung a bit.  However, I did not expect these women to fight for my friendship, and put their marriages at risk. From where I sit, these type of decisions follow the money. The one without, is usually the one that is cast aside. Ok, the decision has been made, c’est noté. Fortunately, my children are young and well liked so I have several more years to cultivate these superficial, bottom layer friendships.

Then there are those people that you have known for ages, but were never that close to. I must admit this group of women have showed up and showed out for me! Never in my wildest dreams did I think that these casual acquaintances would transform into such beautiful and meaningful friendships. After all, friendship isn’t about who you’ve known the longest. Its about who walked into your life, and said “I’m here for you” and proved it.

However, as an only child (clue alert), I have always been fiercely loyal and protective of my friends. So you can imagine my surprise when the fire started and I didn’t really feel the love from my girls. I guess it might be difficult to choose between the wife and the husband IF you met them as a couple, but if you are (were) my sistergirl, then I expect some loyalty. Is that too much to ask? I think not. If is, then maybe it is better that they got caught up in the flames!

In any case just like any good phoenix I will rise from these ashes as good as new. No, I’ll be better. Never forget darlings what Charles Bukowski said “What matters most is how well you walk through the fire…”


  1. This is a wise little piece about the importance of friendships, especially girlfriends, at difficult times in your life. However I’m so sorry, but I am distracted by the title – as a French-speaker, may I please ask you to correct it? It should read LA divorcée (referring to a woman, like you, or LE divorcé, referring to a man). Sorry, but it distracts from the content of the article 🙂


    1. Thanks for reading my post you for comment. I am aware of the proper spelling with (la divorcée), however, I choose Le and if you follow my story until the end, you will discover the reasoning.


  2. Your journey has been difficult but trust that the reward of peace will be worth it in the. I love your determination and strength.


  3. DYNAMIC!!! I am so proud of you and your strength in this journey, You never seize to Amaze me & constantly inspire in your beauty, grace & talent. Keeping those heels in tact through the flames❤️


  4. Courage madame! Divorce sucks, If I had known, I wouldn’t even have bothered getting married. Its all a giant effing waste of time and energy. On the upside, you still have your kids, which is the most important bit. I am about to lose my son so I am quite miffed!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, divorce definitely sucks and i feel about the same as you about bypassing the whole thing. However, if I did I wouldn’t have my lovely boys. I am so sorry that you are losing your son, I hope that will be temporary. Courage to you as well!


  5. In my society it is very difficult to befriend girls as we are raised to be competitors, I am glad I grown enough to appreciate womans friendship. There is nothing more important than sticking together and supporting each other. Thank you for this post, it is really honest and true.

    Liked by 1 person

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